The last month has been a roller coaster that we were not necessarily prepared for, but have ultimately survived. The little boy we advocated for in my last post was not meant to be ours. Even though we tried as best as we could to bring him home, Bulgaria made other arrangements for him.
It is a strange thing to suffer a loss in this way. I was not pregnant, but I felt like I was. We had never met him, but I thought he was our son. As I cried over him privately, I thought about how I was one woman in Pittsburgh, crying over one boy in Bulgaria, and he will never even know I exist. We are hopeful he was placed with a loving family, but I'm also hopeful the universe lets him know somehow that he was loved, even by strangers.
Immediately following this sad news, the Ministry of Justice did an interesting thing. They were moved by our petition for this child (because we wouldn't stop at just sending the required paperwork; we also wrote a heartfelt letter about our family and about raising children in Pittsburgh). Even though we are not technically next in line of waiting families, Bulgaria sent us an official referral. An official referral means they sanction the adoption should we choose to move forward!
If I'm being honest, it was very hard for me to move past our first potential child in order to open my heart to a second one. But within a few days, the adoption agency had showered us with 110 pictures and videos of the little guy, who we can call BB3 (baby three!). Getting to know him through the videos was endearing. He is curious and playful and adorable. However, we had to consider what our family could take on given our other children. BB3 has some medical needs and it's hard to tell exactly what the treatment will be since our pediatrician is reviewing everything electronically. We have a few pages of medical history and some videos, and that's it, and it's our pediatrician's job to give us the worst case scenario, even if it is statistically unlikely.
As we contemplated what to do, fear kept me firmly in my tracks. Fear of so many unknowns. Fear of doing the wrong thing. Fear of changing what we have built so far. Each day, we would wake up hoping to feel peace one way or the other. We talked to other adoptive parents who helped us sort through our feelings. We talked to doctors. We listened to podcasts. We received counsel from our parents. Each day we felt like we were moving closer to BB3 and on Saturday, October 30th, we both woke up with the peace we had been waiting for and an incredible JOY in adding BB3 to our family. We were ready to take the next step. We told our adoption coordinator YES and she celebrated with us. And now Bulgaria officially knows we want to move forward.
Here's what I can tell you right now about BB3 (we are not allowed to share his name or picture just yet!). He's just a little guy and will turn 2 in December. He has been in an orphanage his whole life and currently lives in a home for children with medical needs. The file mentions that he is the healthiest child there and he really needs to be someplace where he can get the attention and care that he deserves. Since he has spent his life in an orphanage, he is developmentally behind. We'll need toys geared for kids 12-24 months, so we may be requesting any hand-me-down toys you aren't using. We are anxious to get him here and to really get to know him!
So what's next? Bulgaria requires two visits - the first is for us to meet BB3 and for the orphanage workers to monitor us interacting so they can give their stamp of approval. The second is to pick up BB3, finalize the adoption, and bring him home. Our agency just reached out today to let us know that Covid has ramped back up in Bulgaria, so the Ministry of Justice would like our first trip to be virtual. Yes, virtual. We will spend 5 days Skyping with BB3, his caretakers, and a translator. We are very familiar with trying to get our kids to take a video call... it usually goes less than perfect with short attention spans. We are trying to learn more about how to best interact with BB3 in this way. Also, they would like the meetings to be held during the mornings, Bulgarian time, meaning we would be joining around 3am our time... Totally normal!
I have mixed emotions about the first trip being virtual. It certainly saves time and money and is easier on us in just about every way. But all I want to do is give BB3 a hug and spend time playing with him. We will miss the initial bonding and it will be hard for him when we go to the orphanage to pick him up. We are truly strangers taking him away from the only place he knows. We'll make the best of it and do all we can to help him adjust, but overall we are incredibly thankful that God brought him into our lives. We look forward to creating a future with him as a family of 5.
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