Niko's Life at Home: 2 Weeks Post-Bulgaria

Hello world! We wanted to give a short update on Niko and our time as a family of 5, but Kristen has been using every last one of her brain cells lately, so the task falls to me, Brad Hemmings: father of 3, habitual maker of silly faces, and possessor of several layers of dark eye circles.

In the last two weeks since we’ve been home, we’ve seen Niko grow by leaps and bounds – physically, mentally, and emotionally. It’s really quite amazing how fast kids can start to recover from all life has thrown at them.

Physically:

The kiddo, who as recently as a couple weeks ago had never eaten solid food in his life and didn’t even know how to use his teeth now eats all sorts of foods, including several semi-solids (pasta, bananas, avocados, oatmeal, quinoa, cous cous, noodles, bread, etc.) and even made a foray into the world of chicken tenders last night. He still leans on his favorite soft foods (mashed potatoes, hummus, guac, yogurt, etc.), but he’s got an adventurous palate and has only shown a complete distaste for one thing – anything sweet. Sadly, I will forever be forced to eat his Halloween candy, a tall task I accept with many reservations.

Mentally:

While speech is still elusive for Niko, he has learned to understand and communicate quite a bit. Just this morning he understood when I told him to take his pants off, he knew what I meant when I directed him to put them in his hamper, and he chose his own outfit for the day. Simple stuff, but just a week ago he would’ve stared at me with a confused look while getting changed in the morning. Similarly, he has started to show his opinions (who he wants to sit where during meals for example), he has expressed his curiosity to explore new things (which makes it hard to play board games with wandering, grabby hands all akimbo, but easy to play outdoors where he can putz around till his heart’s content), and he has even shown a developing sense of humor (he teases us with peek-a-boo and hide-and-seek quite often). His favorite thing is still being outdoors, and when the weather cooperates (thanks, Pittsburgh), we walk down to the park by our house. I'll also point out that he was scared of swings in Bulgaria, but he has now overcome this fear!

Emotionally:

Physically and mentally, we expected to see somewhat fast development, as is the case with many kids who come from an orphanage. They’ve been craving an outlet, so as soon as they get one, things explode in a frenzy of new experiences. But emotionally, I think we were somewhat tentative in our expectations. We knew it can take as much as six months or more to develop a strong attachment with a child who comes from a difficult place. We knew there can be years of tears as they adjust to their unfamiliar surroundings and routines. And we knew it would be a challenge to integrate Niko into our family dynamic, establishing boundaries and expectations and whatnot, all while not taking away from our older two boys. Yes, we’ve had our difficulties, but I think it’s safe to say Niko has exceeded our wildest dreams. Here he is bonding with Ellis:

A few examples:

- While he originally cried at the sound of just about appliance (hairdryers, dishwasher, etc.), he is now obsessed with the dishwasher, doesn’t bat an eye at the hairdryer or vacuum, and even let me use hair clippers on him the other day. Sure, he cried during the haircut cleanup, but he didn’t even whimper during the actual haircut. Given the mutton chops he was cultivating when we got him, this was a big deal. Here he is, post haircut:

- Previously, when he’d do something that upset us, he’d laugh at our disapproval. (Side note: it turns out nothing on earth is more frustrating that your new son laughing hysterically at your exasperation. It’s like we invited a world class heckler into our house to just troll us all day long.) But a few days ago, I got upset about something, and Niko’s lower lip did the classic toddler quiver before he burst into tears. It might seem strange that we viewed his tears as a positive, but in that specific situation, it showed that he cared what we thought. This is a huge step, because kids only care what you think once they’ve attached emotionally to you. They don’t want to upset the person they love, and he clearly cared in that moment.

- He has been napping in his crib while sleeping with us at night. Throughout the night he’d wake up several times, checking to see if we were still there. It led to many rough nights of sleep for all of us. But we noticed that he’d begun sleeping more soundly in his crib at nap time, so last night we took the plunge and put him in his crib at night. We agreed that the first time he cried, we’d move him to the familiarity of our bed, but we wanted to at least try it. Smash cut to 7am this morning, and I went in to find a happy, rested little boy who clearly got a great night of sleep, feeling secure in a newly familiar place. Of course, Kristen and still slept like crap, because we’d wake up every half hour expecting to hear Niko crying, only to find a silent and happy house.

Lest it seem that Niko has everything figured out, I have to admit we still have several things we’re working on, but overall, we’re pleased as punch with how he’s progressing. Sure, it would be nice if he stopped hitting Kristen when she doesn’t understand what he wants. And, sure, it would be great if he would stop trying to pull the cats’ tails. He still won’t let us brush his teeth and doesn’t like getting his bum wiped. His attention span on a toy is still limited to a few minutes at most. But, he’s fitting in nicely with his brothers, he screeches with excitement every time he sees us, he’s mastered that elusive ring pyramid toy that he had no idea what to do with at first. And . . . and this is a big one . . . he actually touches and plays with Play-Doh, which caused him endless tears of fright in Bulgaria. He’s mastering his fears and sensory issues all at once. Here he is playing with Play-Doh and not screaming in terror:

And his favorite thing? (This will tell you all you need to know.) His absolute favorite . . . is a good family hug. And, really, that’s all we can ask for.

Until our next update, thanks again for all the support and prayers and well-wishes. It’s meant the world. I'll leave you with this video of him communicating with us. We wanted to capture some of the words he is saying. ("Da" is Bulgarian for "yes," and he's started saying Pop-Pop whenever he sees my father-in-law.)