I'm not sure if other adoptive parents go through this, but I am finding it very surreal to think about our little one and what's happening in his or her life right now. Chances are, they are just being born, or will be born soon, and I'll admit that this brings me more sorrow than joy.
In the life of my own children, there was so much anticipation leading up to their birth. I journaled through both of my pregnancies, the nursery was perfect (thanks mostly to Brad), and I successfully avoided caffeine (something I was especially proud of during my second pregnancy since Oliver ensured I experienced no sleep). With our adoptive child, I don't know anything about his situation yet. I don't know if he's being taken care of, and I don't know the circumstances that will ultimately separate him from his parents and lead to our adoption.
The day of his or her birth should be one of the biggest events in my life. But chances are, because of the circumstances, the actual date will have been an unremarkable day in my life.
I will look back in my calendar once we find out our little one's birthday, and I will have been at the dentist, or meeting with a client, or worse yet - nothing - a blank day on the planner. How I wish I could be a part of his birth, but it's not time for us to enter the story yet. And I'm learning to be ok with that.
I am also sad for our child. There will be a lot of pain in his or her new life, and while I'd like to think that the pain will end when he joins our family, I know that will likely not be the case. I don't know why he will be separated from his parents, but I know that will not be Plan A. Coming to live with us is our child's Plan B.
We learned in the adoption workshop that each adoption starts from trauma. And while we know that our family will bring him a lot of love, it will be normal for him to grieve the loss of his own parents and the loss of his home country and culture. For our family, this adopted child is our Plan A. We want him in our lives, and we will experience difficulties, but no real trauma in this decision. For our little one, the road will be filled with a great deal of loss, before there is gain.
This journey will have so many emotions, and I'm feeling them already. All I want is to wrap our little guy or girl in our arms and reassure him that he is loved and supported. Brad and I will always be his advocate and his cheerleader.
And from that moment on, we will make sure that every birthday we have together will be meaningful.
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